ZOMBIES

There are zombies. 

They are real.

They are among us.


Your boss may be a zombie.  Your mailman may be a zombie.  Your congressman is most definitely a zombie.

And, worst of all, one of your children may be a zombie!!!!

For, alas, I fear my youngest daughter may be a zombie, or, at the very least, a daywalker.

Every year all the zombies in the United States gather in my hometown, Portland Oregon, and march en mass (that’s a French term) through the streets.  They walk at night on the very same streets in this fair city that you and I tread!  OK, I very seldom go downtown because of the over abundance of daywalkers and gingers, but some of you may actually tread on those streets.

Oh, the humanity!
It’s horrible!

Here’s the one that I fear most:
And here’s a picture of a leg:


That’s all.

NO BLOG MONDAY

Sorry, no blog today. I am on vacation in another dimension.

At least I think that’s where I am but since I don’t have 3D glasses, I’m not sure.

PIE CHART SUNDAY

PHRASEOLOGY

I was recently re-reading some of my blogs (trying to bring up the stats of how many people look at my blog) and I have come to the conclusion that my viewing public consists of about 8 people –
5 of those being me.
I’m like Mr. Bean sending himself Christmas cards!
But I digress. That’s not what today’s blog is about. Re-reading those blogs, I have come to the conclusion that I use the phrase, “I have come to the conclusion” way too many times. I will attempt to correct that in the future.

Have you even gotten stuck using a phase over and over again in your normal conversation? For a period of time, for some reason, I kept saying “Okie Dokie” whenever anyone asked me something. “Would you look at this file for me?” Okie Dokie! “Could you move your coffee cup?” Okie Dokie! “Everyone here thinks you’re an idiot.” Okie Dokie!

I finally came to the conclusion that I was sounding like a hillbilly or something. It took months to wean myself off of saying, “Okie Dokie”.

Anyway, like I said, “I have come to the conclusion” will never again be used in my blogs. If I do use that phase again, I will look to you, my vast audience, to correct me.

Okie Dokie?

AN URGENT MESSAGE FROM THE HELP DESK

Dear Friend:

CAUTION:

A Computer virus is attached to this blog.

DO NOT CLICK ON THE HIGHLIGHTED LINK!

It you click here your computer will be infected with a horrible virus that will DESTROY your hard drive.

DO NOT CLICK HERE!

If you did click there, would you also please email us your social security number and the user names and passwords for all of your on-line accounts?

We need that information to verify something.

Thanks!

Help Desk
Lagos, Nigeria

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Since the world is spinning, why isn’t it windy all the time?

Do we really need pennies anymore?

Since they always seem find new dinosaur bones, shouldn’t you hit like a dead buffalo or something anytime you did a hole?

Why do Big Macs come in a box?

Did they eat the pig that starred in the movie “Babe”?

Why doesn’t your carpet wear out as fast as your shoes?

When you suddenly get a stabbing pain somewhere in your body that just as quickly goes away, do you ever think, “What just happened?”

Why are our ears so oddly shaped?

When will there be enough 5 gallon buckets so they can stop making them?

Do we really need so many different kinds of apples?

When you get your oil changed, why does that jerk need to tell you everything that’s wrong with your car?

What’s up with Charlie Sheen?

THE PERFECT FOOD

I have tried for many years to figure out exactly what is the perfect food.

I used to think it was chili but have come to the conclusion that chili is just too darned complicated to prepare. You have to open a can and all that. Then there are things that need to be washed afterwards, like a pot and a bowl and a spoon and your shirt.

I have finally come to the conclusion that the perfect food is burritos. I’m not talking about Taco Bell burritos – which are delicious – but those wonderful frozen burritos. Taco Bell burritos are way too much work. You have to get out of your chair, walk all the way to the car, drive there, place your order, pull up to the window, etc, etc. It just goes on and on.

With frozen burritos, all you do is pop them in the microwave and wait until the filling starts to ooze out of the side. Since you just grab it and eat it, there are no dishes to contend with. If you really think you need a plate, just use that glass one in the microwave.

You get 8 burritos for about 3 bucks and they contain everything in that FDA food pyramid thing – except for fruit and vegetables. A great side dish with frozen burritos is a bag of tortilla chips. Doing that you get your vegetable group!

You can even wash it all down with a can of grape soda it you’re a health nut or something.

Frozen burritos. The perfect food!