HUMAN STEW

So you’re looking forward to jumping into the hot tub at the motel?  The one that about 1000 people have soaked in before you?   Slowly cooking their bodies in the hot liquid, stirring briskly with the water jets and seasoning it with the filth that falls from their unwashed bodies?


It’s just a crock pot for human stew. 
The chemical analysis of the average hot tub reveals the following results:
 
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Chemical Analysis of the Average Hot Tub


Water (H2O) – 92%

Chlorine – < .00001%

Perspiration, mucus, saliva and other glandular secretions – 2%

Other chemicals (Deodorant, Aftershave, and things I don’t want to mention) – 1.4%

Dead skin cells – 1%

Fungi (Athletes Foot, Toe Nail, and other, more personal) – 1%

Bacteria and Viruses (Hepatitis, Streptococci, Cryptosporidium, et. al.) – .8%

Fecal Matter and Urine – You don’t want to know!

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If you do use the hot tub it is highly recommended that the following steps be taken immediately afterwards:


1) Shower and wash thoroughly using an antibacterial soap.

2) Apply a prescription fungicide over your entire body.

3) Liberally douse your skin with rubbing alcohol.

4) Light yourself on fire.