I hate snow.

I am a real man. 
I hate snow.
Therefore real men hate snow.
For me the hate began as a small child.  I was raised in Oakland, California and it doesn’t snow there.  Some people think Oakland has nothing going for it but, hey, since it doesn’t snow there it is automatically much better than any location in Minnesota or Wisconsin.
When I was a little kid I drew a picture of a snow scene showing snowballs falling from the sky.  Yeah, that’s right, I thought it snowed snowballs. (OK, Ha Ha I’m dumb)  My sainted mother explained that snow came down as beautiful flakes and no two are the same.  As kids we used to cut snowflakes out of paper and hang them on the wall. 

Snow flakes are beautiful and no two are the same.

This is a LIE!
The first time I ever saw it snow was when I was 30 years old and living in Medford, Oregon.  I stood it the yard and with the awe of a child watched the snowflakes fall!
Snowflakes my ass.  Snow, real snow, looks like balls of lint falling from the sky.  There are no beautiful flakes and they all look the same.  Chunks of crummy lint falling from the sky.  I was told that to see the beautiful snowflake designs you will need like an electron microscope or something.  My sainted mother had lied to me!  (I, of course, forgive her as real men love their moms)
And snow is cold and snow is wet and snow is slippery and snow just totally sucks.  If you ski or snow board you may disagree with me but that is because you are stupid.
Snow has no redeeming social value.  None.
As I write this I am sitting in a motel room in Klamath Falls, Oregon waiting for the snow to stop so I can drive home. I just looked out the window and there are millions of “snowflakes” falling steadily to the earth. 
Lint from the heavens.
I hate snow.

5 Responses

  1. The picture of the cars covered in snow makes me angry. I am glad we do not live on an Embarcadero Circle in Portland.

  2. I hate snow too!! I hope you will be able to come home today. Drive Safe!!

  3. Where did you get the scissors to cut out the snowflakes?Or the camera?

  4. Pictures of "snowflakes" – and other lies – can be found on the internet.

  5. Dad's comment made me lol. "And other lies"

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