REAL MEN DO NOT CRY!

If you are a real man, you do not cry.

OK, there could be some exceptions like if your mother dies or your favorite sports franchise moves away to another city but, other than that, men do not cry.

There have been occasions where my eyes have watered during some scene in a chick film but that was due to the sheer strain on my eyes from having to watch such drivel. If that should ever happen to you just sneeze violently or laugh obnoxiously loud in order to distract others who may be in the room. Explain that this is of course not crying but merely some sort of irritation to the eye.

If you should be doing some manly chore like trying to hit a nail with a hammer and inadvertently strike your thumb, this may also cause irritation and watering of the eyes. At that point it is best to start swearing really loud and explain that swearing sometimes makes your eyes water.

Women can, and do, cry for several reasons: They are sad. They are lonely. They think you don’t love them. They think they’re too fat. Someone gave them a mean look. There are no cookies left. The list is truly endless.

But mostly they cry for only one reason: To punish you, the man.

When a man’s eyes “water” it is appropriate to say, “Oh, what a wussy!”, but if you say that to a woman they will only cry louder and slam a door or something. It is always best to just irritate them right up to the brink of crying and then run. You need to run because if they get to the crying point, you have lost. They will always win.

They will say something stupid like, “I know you don’t love me!” You will need to bite your tongue here and avoid any spur of the moment response. Any negative comment will cause you grief and that grief could last for months. The proper thing to do at this point is to apologize profusely and grovel (I will give multiple tips on groveling in future posts).

Of course you can call her a wussy. Tell her what you think! Lay down the law with that whining woman!

Next post: Tips for sleeping comfortably on the sofa.

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3 Responses

  1. haha funny stuff

  2. I'm so glad you have a blog. We are quite the blogger family now.

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